Tuesday, December 9, 2014

The one where I hold on

Wrestling in the silence.

I know God speaks.

I know His voice.

But what do you do when He is silent?

I wrestle.

Like Jacob, I hold on, ferociously sometimes, saying "I WILL NOT LET GO UNTIL YOU BLESS ME."

It would be one thing if I didn't think He was capable of speaking. But I know He speaks. And I know what His promises are. So when He appears to stay silent, I will wrestle.



Saturday, December 6, 2014

The one with the ring



Meet Jess.

While we DO work together, we're more than coworkers. She is a dear friend.

Jess moved to DC last year with her husband and their sidekick of a dog, Freddy.

We became running buddies, as it's always good to have a friend who runs the same pace as you!

The days she is in the office are my favorite days of the week.

On an especially cold and rainy Monday, Jess and I made our normal morning trek to get coffee. We'd been out of the office for almost 2 weeks and we had a LOT to catch up on! She'd gone on a cruise for Thanksgiving break, I'd gone to Texas and NYC.

We got back to the office with our coffee and resumed or mornings.

About 40 minutes later, I was in the middle of a conference call when Jess came into my office a bit stressed and started scanning the floor and my desk. She then walked out. I wasn't at a point where I could figure out what was happening, so just made a point to follow up with her later.

I went down to her office after my call and found a very nervous looking Jess.

She said "I can't find my engagement ring."

She'd been in contact with her husband who works closer to their house and he was going to see if it was there. But she remembered seeing the ring on her finger this morning while in route to the office via the metro. She knew the ring was lost. What a sick, sick feeling. I was sick for her.

I reminded Jess about a story in the Old Testament in which a group of prophets were cutting down trees in order to build a shelter. While in the process, the axe they were using fell into a body of water and the guy exclaimed "it was a borrowed axe!" Elisha asked where exactly it fell, and prayed for the axe to resurface. The axe floated to the top of the water and they were able to pull it out.

My dad had reminded me about this story several years ago when I'd lost something of importance to me. We prayed for it to resurface and it did.

I prayed with Jess that the ring would do just that. That it would resurface.

I went over to Starbucks and retraced our steps- finding nothing. She called the metro. Found nothing. Her husband called back and said it wasn't at home.

Jess left work and had a pretty emotional night. Understandably.

I continued to pray for the ring to resurface.

The next morning, I got to work, heard Jess come around the corner, and found this:



While cleaning that night, Starbucks found the ring. When Jess came back over to the office and showed us, I couldn't help but cry. I don't always have prayers answered the way I want them to be answered, but He is never beyond showing up and showing off. I absolutely loved having a prayer like that answered. He made the ring resurface. He hears us when we pray. He really does. 


Thursday, December 4, 2014

The one with confusion.

A beautiful friend lost her battle with cancer last night.

A mom birthed a beautiful baby and never got to take him home last week.

Our country is reeling with pain and confusion in the wake of a grand jury decision.

So much pain. Sitting on a 6 hour flight to California and can't stop the tears.


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The one where I return

It's been a while, old friend.

I could say it's because I've been so busy.
I could say it's because I'm more selective these days on things I post online.
I could say it's because I don't have much to write about.

Whatever the case. I haven't written much this year.

In October I celebrated three years with the Foundation. Three. Years.
I don't even know how that is possible. It doesn't make sense to me.
November marked two years since the apartment fire.

Time continues to fly by and I continue to stand with my mouth agape in confusion and wonder at how fast it goes.

This Thanksgiving I went to Texas for a baby shower, a wedding, and family time.

My best friend is having a baby.

This kid will be one of the most loved babies to walk this earth. I just know it. I can't wait to meet him.

A friend from college said "I do" to the man of her dreams. I wept as they had their first dance. It was a beautiful picture of God's faithfulness. When I met her new husband, I said to him "I've been praying for you for a decade. You are an answer to many prayers."

Sweet time with dear friends and their babies wrapped up my time in Dallas before I headed to see my family. My friends have made some pretty darn cute babies.

Family time in Paris, TX was sweet. My mom and dad know how to make their girls feel loved, special, and cared for. While it may be a hike to get there, I never regret getting out to the middle of nowhere for some rest and a chance to refocus.

Then.

I went to New York.

I flew out Thanksgiving day to meet up with friends. We arrived, settled into our hotel, and went out for a Thanksgiving dinner. From that moment on- the trip was seamless. The five of us toured, ate, and enjoyed our way through the city. We experienced as much as we could in the few days there. Walked over 25 miles, saw the 9/11 memorial, watched Chicago on Broadway, ice skated in Central Park, stayed up way too late at night playing cards in our room, laughed til we cried, went to the Top of the Rock, and even found a place called Corso Coffee.

A great November, indeed.








Sunday, July 27, 2014

Yes.

From Kay Warren:


Please don’t ever tell someone to be grateful for what they have left until they’ve had a chance to mourn what they’ve lost. It will take longer than you think is reasonable, rational or even right. But that’s ok. True friends – unlike Job’s sorry excuse for friends – love at all times, and brothers and sisters are born to help in time of need (Prov. 17:17 LB).The truest friends and “helpers” are those who wait for the griever to emerge from the darkness that swallowed them alive without growing afraid, anxious or impatient. They don’t pressure their friend to be the old familiar person they’re used to; they’re willing to accept that things are different, embrace the now-scarred one they love, and are confident that their compassionate, non-demanding presence is the surest expression of God’s mercy to their suffering friend. They’re ok with messy and slow and few answers….and they never say “Move on.”

Monday, July 21, 2014

Last year.

Tears begin to form when I think about where I was last year.

My heart aches when I think about last year.
I catch my breath when I think about where I was last year.
It's a place I never want to visit again.
It's a pit I never want to find myself in again.
It's a darkness that I never want to experience again.

But this I know: 

If I find myself there again, He is mighty to save.

He's done it before. He would do it again. And again. And again.

Friday, July 18, 2014

The one when I ran 7 miles

I remember the first time I ran 7 miles.

I was in Tallahassee, Florida. I was training for my half marathon to take place in June. The year was 2012.

It was a big deal. I'd never run that far before. Never. When I finished, I remember feeling elated. I remember thinking to myself "I JUST RAN 7 MILES!" I went to Panera after and got a bagel. I went home, ate my bagel, and iced my knees.

I'll be running 7 miles tomorrow. I love that 7 miles doesn't scare me this time around. I love that I know I can do it. I'm not so cocky to think it will be easy or that the run will be a good run. I still have days in which my run is hard.

But tomorrow, I'll run 7 miles and think about 2012 when I did it for the first time. I'll remember not to forget the feeling. I'll remember that 7 miles is a big deal.